Cabinet Battle #1
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Cast List:
Washington | Jefferson | Madison | Hamilton | Ensemble
WASHINGTON
Ladies and gentlemen, you coulda been anywhere in the world tonight, but
you're here with us in New York City. Are you ready
for a cabinet meeting???
The issue on the table: Secretary
Hamilton's plan to assume state debt and establish a national
bank. Secretary Jefferson, you have
the floor, sir
JEFFERSON
'Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.'
We fought for these ideals; we shouldn't settle for less
These are wise words, enterprising men quote 'em
Don't act surprised, you guys, cuz I wrote 'em
JEFFERSON/MADISON
Oww
JEFFERSON
But Hamilton forgets
His plan would have the government assume state's debts
Now, place your bets as to who that benefits:
The very seat of government where Hamilton sits
HAMILTON
Not true!
JEFFERSON
Ooh, if the shoe fits, wear it
If New York's in debt
Why should Virginia bear it? Uh! Our debts are paid,
I'm afraid
Don't tax the South cuz we got it made in the
shade
In Virginia, we plant seeds in the ground
We create. You just wanna move our money around
This financial plan is an outrageous demand
And it's too many damn pages for any man to understand
Stand with me in the land of the free
And pray to God we never see Hamilton’s
candidacy
Look, when Britain taxed our tea, we got frisky
Imagine what gon' happen when you try to tax our whisky
ENSEMBLE
(reacting)
That's my alcohol!
WASHINGTON
Thank you, Secretary Jefferson
Secretary Hamilton, your
response
HAMILTON
Thomas. That was a real nice
declaration
Welcome to the present, were running a real nation
Would you like to join us, or stay mellow
Doin' whatever the hell it is you do in
Monticello?
If we assume the debts, the union gets
A new line of credit, a financial diuretic
How do you not get it? If were aggressive and competitive
The union gets a boost. You'd rather give it a sedative?
A civics lesson from a slaver. Hey neighbor
Your debts are paid cuz you don't pay for labor
"We plant seeds in the South. We create."
Yeah, keep ranting
We know who's really doing the planting
And another thing, Mr. Age of Enlightenment
Don't lecture me about the war, you didn't fight in it
You think I'm frightened of you, man?
We almost died in the trench
While you were off getting high with the French
Thomas Jefferson, always hesitant with
the President
Reticent there isn't a plan he doesn't jettison
Madison, you're mad as a hatter, son,
take your medicine
Damn, you're in worse shape than the national debt is in
Sittin' there useless as two shits
Hey, turn around, bend over, I'll show you
Where my shoe fits
WASHINGTON
Excuse me? Madison, Jefferson, take a walk! Hamilton, take a walk! Well reconvene after a
brief recess. Hamilton!
HAMILTON
Sir!
WASHINGTON
A word
MADISON
You don't have the votes
JEFFERSON/MADISON
You don't have the votes
JEFFERSON
Aha-ha-ha ha!
JEFFERSON/MADISON
You're gonna need congressional approval and you don't have the votes
JEFFERSON
Such a blunder sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder
MADISON
Why he even brings the thunder
WASHINGTON
You wanna pull yourself together?
HAMILTON
I'm sorry, these Virginians are birds of a feather
WASHINGTON
Young man, I'm from Virginia, so watch your mouth
HAMILTON
So we let Congress get held hostage by the South?
WASHINGTON
You need the votes
HAMILTON
No, we need bold strokes. We need this plan
WASHINGTON
No, you need to convince more folks
HAMILTON
James Madison won't talk to me, that’s a nonstarter
WASHINGTON
Winning was easy, young man. Governing’s harder
HAMILTON
They're being intransigent
WASHINGTON
You have to find a compromise
HAMILTON
But they don't have a plan, they just hate mine!
WASHINGTON
Convince them otherwise
HAMILTON
What happens if I don't get congressional approval?
WASHINGTON
I imagine they'll call for your removal
HAMILTON
Sir
WASHINGTON
Figure it out, Alexander. That's an order from your commander